According to Dr. Gary
Chapman, unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak
different love languages. Sometimes we don’t understand our partner’s
requirements, or even our own. We all have a “ love tank” that needs to be
filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be
filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others. Dr.
Chapman’s divides love languages into five categories: Words of Affirmation,
Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.
The Quiz
For each of statements
choose the one that fits you best within your marriage or relationship. Try to
answer every pair. If you are not currently married or in relationship, try to
imagine how you would like to be treated if you were…. Or even think about how
you like to be treated by family members and/or close friends. When you finish
the quiz, follow the directions on page 3.
1.
I like receive encouraging or affirming notes A
I like
to be hugged E
2.
I like to spend one to one time with close
friends B
I feel
loved when someone gives me practical help D
3.
I like it when people give me gifts C
I like
leisurely visits with friends and loved ones
B
4.
I feel loved when people do things to help me D
I feel
loved when people give me a reassuring hand shake or hug E
5.
I feel loved when someone I love or admire
puts their arm around me E
I feel
loved when I received a gift from someone I admire or love C
6.
I like to go places with friends or loved
ones B
I like
to high-five or slap around with friends who are special to me E
7.
Visible symbol of love ( such as gifts ) are
important to me C
I feel
loved when people affirm me A
8.
I like to sit close to people I enjoy being
around E
I like
it when people tell me I’m attractive/ handsome
A
9.
I like to spend time with friends and loved
ones B
I like
to receive little gifts from friends and loved ones C
10. Words
of acceptance are important to me A
I know
someone loves me when he or she helps me D
11. I like
being together and doing things with friends & loved ones B
I like
it when kind words are spoken to me A
12. What
someone does affects me far more than what they say D
Hugs
make me feel connected and valued E
13. I value
praise and try to avoid criticism A
Several
small gifts mean more to me than one large gift C
14. I feel
close to someone when we are talking or doing something together B
I feel
closer to friends & loved ones when we wrestle, hug or shake hands E
15. I like
for people to complement my achievements
A
I know
people love me when they do things for me they don’t enjoy doing D
16. I like
for people to cross the street to shake hands or hug when they see me E
I like
when people listen to me & show genuine interest in what I’m saying B
17. I feel
loved when friends and loved ones help me with jobs or projects D
I really
enjoy receiving gifts from friends and loved ones C
18. I like
for people to complement my appearance A
I feel
loved when people take time to understand my feelings B
19. I feel
secure when a special person is physically close to me E
Acts
of service make me feel loved D
20. I appreciate
the many things that special people do for me
D
I like
to received gifts that special people make for me C
21. I really
enjoy the feeling I get when someone gives me undivided attention B
I really
enjoy the feeling I get when someone does some acts to serve me D
22. I feel
loved when a person celebrates my birthday with a gift C
I feel
loved when a person celebrates my birthday with meaningful words A
23. I know
a person is thinking of me when they give me a gift C
I feel
loved when a person helps me with my chores or tasks D
24. I appreciate
it when someone listens patiently and doesn’t interrupt me B
I appreciate
it when someone remembers special days with a gift C
25. I like
knowing loved ones are concern enough to help with my daily tasks D
I enjoy
extended trips with someone who is special to me B
26. I don’t
mind the “kiss-hello” with friends I am close to E
Receiving
a gift for no special reason excites me
C
27. I like
to be told that I am appreciated A
I like
for a person to look at me when they are talking B
28. Gifts
from a friend or loved one are always special to me C
I feel
good when a friend or loved one hugs or touches me E
29. I feel
loved when a person enthusiastically does some task I have requested D
I feel
loved when I am told how much I am appreciated
A
30. I need
physical contact with people everyday E
I need
words of encouragement and affirmation everyday A
Now
go to your quiz again and count up how many ‘A’s you circled and place the
number in below. Next count Bs, then Cs and so on. The highest possible score
for many one letter is 12.
Totals
: A:________ B:________ C:________
D:_________ E:_________
What’s
your highest score? Each letter corresponds with a “love language” listed
below:
KEY:
A =
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
B =
QUALITY TIME
C =
RECEIVING GIFTS
D =
ACTS OF SERVICE
E =
PHYSICAL TOUCH
What
is your primary love language? Be sure to write it below.
If you
have two equal high scores : you’re may be “bilingual”
If you
have one high score and a second close to it, then you value both languages as
important to you (a secondary language)
My primary
love language is ______________________
My secondary
love language is ___________________
